Tuesday, December 30, 2014

In A Word

I like to choose a word for the year. It’s something I’ve been doing for a while now. One of the first words I chose was ‘courage’. That year, I was baptized. I’ve been a Christian most of my live, but the thought of getting in front of people, well, no thanks. But that year, my children decided they wanted to be baptized and I decided I needed to be courageous and join them. It was awesome. A memory we will all share.

Last year was ‘gentleness’. This word was given to me by my bible study leader. She randomly assigned each of us a fruit of the spirit that she would pray over us all year. I took this as a sign and adopted that word. Not sure how successful that was. I would not describe myself as ‘gentle’ or ‘meek’. I want to be. God has taught me much in this area this year. I wonder if those lessons are outwardly visible. I hope so.

This year I’ve been praying and wondering what the word should be. Last night I got it. It just came to me, a whisper from God I think. I did not like this one. I wrestled a bit. Then I began my search. I googled it.

I can feel the change coming. I’ve felt it for a while, but it’s stronger now. I think I’ve reached the ‘rip off the band aid’ portion of change. I don’t like it. I have been a mom for 23 and a half years. I have homescooled my children all the way through. I have laughed, cried, lost sleep, prayed, and loved every single second of it. Even the hard bits. I’d go back and start over if I could figure out how. I love being a mom. I love my kids. Not only do I love my kids but I genuinely like them. They’re funny and spunky and silly and smart and just all around awesome people to be with.  But you know what? They’re not really kids anymore. They’re 23, 20, 17 & 15 and in 2015 things are going to change. Drastically. I can feel it.

My kids all still live at home. I love it. The boys have been doing their college while living at home and I feel like that’s been a gift. They come and go as they please, pay a bit of rent, help out around the house, it’s a good system. It took some work to figure out how to transition from parent to a sort of roommate, but I think we’ve done a fair job. I love having them here. But in 2015, Bryce will finish his schooling and fly on into his adult life. Gunnar is already spreading those wings putting out applications to Fire Departments far and wide. Eventually one of them is going to hire him (lucky will be the departments that gets him!) and he too will fly from the family home.

Evelyn will officially become and adult, and be graduating high school in 2015. Somehow I have a harder time seeing my girls as adults. Maybe I’m more protective of them. She will start college in 2015. Probably from home, but anything is possible. She’s growing up. Very soon she too will fly from home.

Annika will turn 16 and get her driver’s license in 2015. She is a go-getter, that one. There will be no holding her back once she has her own wheels. She’s already talking about colleges far away from home, near a beach if she has her way.

Change is coming and it’s coming fast. I’ve had more than my share. I’ve had my kids home longer than most. I have good, happy, healthy, Jesus loving kids. I’ve been blessed far and above what I deserve. I know this. It’s time. I know. But I hate change.

God’s working on me, though. I know I have a choice to accept this change or fight it. Either way it’s going to happen, it’s really just about how I’m going to respond to it.

Dave and I had kids right away. We never were those fancy-free newlyweds. The time is coming soon where we can just think about each other. Do what we want. Go where we want to go. Eat what we want to eat. Talk about what we want to talk about whenever we want to talk about it and not worry about listening ears. I know this new phase of life is going to be great. It’s going to be wonderful to just be his wife. It’s going to be wonderful to watch and see who my kids become as they move on to the next phase of their lives. I have no fear about what is coming; I know it will be wonderful. But for me, change is always hard.

 So this year, in 2015, I will choose to embrace the change.