Pay no attention to the crazy lady in the Excursion driving like a nut.

I was driving down I20 at a speed that may or may not have been in excess of the posted limit, in the far left lane when I noticed the hood on the Excursion begin to shimmy and shake up and down, like it was not properly latched. I had visions of the hood flying up and momentarily blinding me as I swerved all over the highway narrowly missing other drivers, before it flew off and crashed into a vehicle behind me, causing a 50 car pileup shutting down I20 completely. Then my life flashed before my eyes, which was much less interesting than my previous imaginations.

As my mind was occupied with all this panicked thinking, I made my way, ever so carefully to the exit, all while watching my hood bounce up an inch, down an inch, up an inch, down an inch, over and over and over.

Please, please don't fly up! Please, please don't fly up, I pleaded with the inanimate object that is the hood of my Excursion.

I made my way off the highway and into a nearby parking lot. I sang praises to the Lord as I put the Ex in park and hopped out. I walked to the front of the vehicle and pushed down the hood, hearing the blessed sound of the latch catching. I glanced to my right to see two police officers gaping at me from their cruiser. I smiled, waved, and hopped back in the Ex and on my merry way, praying they would not pull me over and ticket me for generally recklessness and idiocy.

I then called Bob, the last person to open the hood of my car and told him of all the ways his life would be awful if I were not in it, and could he please not try to kill the Mama in the future.