Have you ever noticed that time seems to pass in fits and starts? Or maybe we just pay attention in fits and starts.
This year I have a lot of firsts, a lot of monumental things happening. Those milestone moments in a persons life seem to be happening fast and often on the Hilltop these days and I'm not sure I like it.
Will is a Senior in High school. He's already taking college classes, but we've begun the process of officially graduating him. We're doing it with the home school co op we've been a part of for years now. There are meetings to be attended where venues and gown preference are chosen, and where speakers are nominated. It's a big deal, this graduating a kid from high school, and I'm not sure I'm ready for it.
There is something about this transition that is unsettling to me. Instead of seeing what a great young man Will is, seeing all he knows, and all he can do, all I can see is what I've not taught him yet. All the things we've not done, all the books yet unread and the projects left undone. Has he read Ping? Did we ever read that together? Did he get to play with enough playdough? I hate playdough. I never let them play with it! What about finger painting? He rarely got to do that!
And what about all the things of God? Did we teach him enough? Does he know enough of the Bible? Did he memorize enough? I know I failed at teaching him math, poor kid! And what about household and life skills? I remember teaching him to sew on a button, but should he know how to sew a little bit? Did I teach him how to iron? Does he know not to wash the reds with the whites, or to never use the same dish for the raw meat and the cooked meat?
I am starting to panic a little because technically he's already an adult and after May of this year, he'll be a high school graduate. I will be done. DONE.
When he was in Kindergarten it seemed like I had forever to teach him all of this stuff. Forever. Well, forever flew by and now my baby is ready to jump out of the nest and I'm not sure he knows how to fly! It's a terrifying thing being on this end of things. I thought jumping out of the nest myself was scary, but it's nothing like knowing that in a few short months your baby is going to jump out into that cold cruel world, ready or not. And it is my job to make sure he is ready.
Seeing Will on the precipice of adulthood has made me look back at my other kids as well; Bob, who's just starting in high school, and Eve who's just starting Jr. High, and Ann who's in her last year as an elementary student. They're right behind him. I have so much work to do. So many things I want to talk about, so many lessons still to teach...
I feel the passage of time very acutely these days, it's going so fast and I can't catch my breath.