Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Dead Center, My Friends!

Sir D and I went shooting last night. It was fun. It was really fun. I haven’t gone shooting since I was a teenager. Apparently it is a lot like riding a bike. In fact it was more like riding a bike than riding a bike. I got a new bike a few years ago and that did not come immediately back. The balance, she ain’t what she used to be. But the shooting? I’m all over that!

See all those holes in the black, dead center of the target? Totally mine! Okay, Sir D got some in there too. Okay, Sir D got a lot of them in there too. So while I may not be a better shot than Sir D, I am just as good. And that is important, you know, in case things head south and come to a shootout between us. Ha! I kid.

The point is I have to take the shooting test soon. I am quite nervous about the shooting test. I don’t doubt my ability to get the pointy sharp things through the paper in the correct spots, but I do doubt my ability to do this while instructions are being yelled at me (because of the ear protection you have to wear) telling me how many shots to fire and how long I have to fire them and at what distance. And there will be all the, READY!...AIM!...FIRE!...CEACE FIRE! And whatnot.

Have I mentioned being yelled at, and watched, makes me a little nervous? I am a bad tester. I can’t take the pressure in a classroom when my tool is only a pencil and paper. How much more nervous will I be if I am using a weapon?

The instructor did mention that I need to be able to perform these tasks while he is yelling at me. If he makes me nervous, how am I going to feel if I encounter an actual bad guy? Yeah, that sounds all good and well, but it’s faulty logic. I am counting on that fight or flight, desire to survive at all cost, instinct to kick in and guide me. That will not be the case in a nice safe gun range, now will it?

Perhaps I should think how embarrassing it will be if Sir D passes the test and I don’t. I’ll probably die of embarrassment. Perhaps I shall think on that. Maybe that will incite that survive-at-all-cost instinct and I'll be able to get the little pointy things through the black portion of the paper.

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