Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Smell Of Clean

Yesterday I stopped by Sir D’s office to hang the photo collage he got for Father’s Day on the wall. I knew if I just gave it to him it would sit on the floor leaning up against the wall forever.

As I was on my way, I called to remind Sir D that I was coming. He said ‘Yeah, come on and could you stop by Taco Bell and bring us all some lunch? We’ve been so busy today no one has had time to leave and get some lunch”

“Sure” I reply.

And I stopped by the Taco Bell and bought enough sub-par Mexican food to feed an army, or the Guys at Sir D’s office.

When I got there, everyone took one look at me, smiled, and started drooling hungrily. I wish I could say it was my good looks.

Once they got their hands on the food, they all disappeared. It was like a ghost town. While they were all busy scarfing down tacos, I went to work. I got all the picture frames hung. It looked rather nice if I do say so myself. The kids and I had chosen mostly action snapshots from our many camping trips. I want Sir D to remember why he is there and that there is a family at home who wants to be with him, lest he forget.

After I got the pictures hung, I noticed that Sir D’s new office was a little dusty so I went and got a rag and started wipping things off. That is when things went south.

The white rag came back an icky shade of yellow brown. This office had been smoked on for 30 odd years and apparently no one thought to, you know, WIPE SOMETHING OFF FORGOODNESSSAKE!

There are three desk/cabinets in Sir D’s office. They are all black metal with the wood top. (a classic cheesy office look) I went and got the one and only cleaning agent in the entire office; Fantastic, circa 1975.

I began to wipe, and wipe and wipe. I wiped every surface in that office until the white rag was not brown/yellow anymore. It took a while.

Meanwhile, Sir D’s employees, who look like they’d fit in a frat house better than an office (why does everyone keep looking younger and younger and don’t say it’s because I’m getting older, that is NOT it) kept walking in and asking “what are you doing?” Have they never seen anyone clean before?

I even cleaned Sir D’s phone and calculator. They looked old and yellowed. Once I got the circa 1975 Fantastic after them they looked the beige color they were intended to be. At one point during the deep cleaning of the phone, I hit a button and sent all the phones in the outer office ringing. Oops.

I was really trying to be inconspicuous. I know they are trying to run a business and having the boss’s wife running around wiping everything off can be a little distracting, but I simply could not stand it anymore. How is Sir D not depressed spending so much time in that icky office? Seriously, it is like a Frat house in there. None of those guys throw anything away! Every time I go to Sir D’s office, there are empties all over the place. I suppose it is a notch up the food chain that they are empty coke cans and not beer cans, but really, use a trash can people!

I also went into the break room (that I gave a deep cleaning too last month) and cleaned up all the lunch stuff and wiped everything down and did the dishes. I don’t think anything in there has been wiped down since I did it last month.

The funny thing is, I know all these guys think I am some kind of weird OCD housewife, when that couldn’t be further from the truth. If they could see my bedroom…well, we will not go there. Things at my house are often cluttered, there is often papers and general stuff that needs to be dealt with, but it is mostly clean.

I know that Sir D likes things clean. I know that it has been very distracting for him to work in a place that resembles a Frat house, but he’s really too busy to do anything about it. That was my way of serving him yesterday.

And I should say, lest I put all of Sir D's employees in a bad light, they were very polite and thanked me many times for bringing them food. I think the whole inability to see dirt and mess is simply inherent in most male DNA.

I also asked one of them if there was any Windex in the office and he said he didn't think so. I asked Sir D if I sent him with Windex, would he clean the window in his office. Sir D's employee said "Sure I'll clean it". He thought I was talking to HIM! I quickly told him I meant Sir D! Can you imagine the boss's wife telling you to clean the window in the boss's office! Oops again.

When I was about done, one of the salesmen came in for the first time that day and I heard him say when he walked in the front door, “what’s that smell?”

That my friends is the smell of clean, get used to it.


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