Fear.

That song by Casting Crowns is one of my favorites, not because it sounds good (thought it does) but because, the words, they are powerful.

But the voice of truth tells me a different story
the voice of truth says "do not be afraid!"
and the voice of truth says "this is for my glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me,
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth.

Here’s the thing, I have a bit of a problem with fear. I like the known, I like to go places I’ve been before, do things I’ve done before, and see people I already know. I don’t like to try new things.

Remember that phrase, ‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got’? usually like what I ‘got’. I’m ‘A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush’ kinda girl.

However, because God has a since of humor, I married a try-new-things kinda guy. He hates to eat in chain restaurants; he hates to eat in the same restaurant more than once. He always orders something different; he never wants to go on vacation to the same place twice.

That man has been pulling me out of my comfort zone on a regular basis for years now. I am starting to get used to it, but if given the choice I’m always going to go with what I know. New still equals scary to me.

I realize that there is nothing inherently wrong with liking the familiar, but when it stops me from being obedient to God, well, that is a problem.

When it stops me from living the life He wants me to live, then I gotta change. Where would the world be with out Peter who walked out on that water? I would have been cowering in the boat under the tarps, or really I’d still be on shore…didn’t they know a storm was coming???

And what about David? There is story after story about David just walking right into danger without a thought. When I heard about that Giant I’d have found a nice closet to hide in.

I read a book recently called Nice Girls Don’t Change The World by Lynne Hybles. It is a little book but it has some big thoughts. Here is the excerpt that jumped off the page and slapped me in the face. (God has to be a bit dramatic to get my attention.)

I’ve learned an important lesson. I learned that I didn’t really know myself very well. I thought I did, but fear always hides the truth. Fear magnifies our weakness and it hides our potential. Only God know the real me and the path I needed to be on. Only God could lead me into the future that was right for me.

I’ve learned that my first response to just about everything is fear. If I listened to the voice of fear, I’d do basically nothing. But part of what it means for me to move from being a nice girl to being a good woman is that I choose to talk down fear. When fear says, “What have you gotten yourself into now?” I say, “I think I’ve gotten myself into the will of God and I’m not going to back down.”

When fear says, “You are not smart enough, experienced enough, or strong enough to do what you’re trying to do,” I say “Well, I serve a God who specializes in using people as flawed as me, so you might as well give up.”

When fear says, “You’re going to disappoint people so badly,” I say “Well, maybe so, but I guess I’d rather take the risk of disappointing people by not being good enough than disappointing God by not being brave enough.”

That last one is a biggie for me. The thought of disappointing people makes me feel sick, so I often let it paralyze me.

I truly could have written that part of her book, (minus the eloquence). It is hard to change. God, and D have been dragging me kicking and screaming away from my fear based decisions for a long time now. I think maybe it’s time to cooperate a little more.

The idea that God may want to use little old me for something…that maybe all my weaknesses don’t actually render me ineffective for his kingdom…that maybe all my weakness are not as glaring as I perceive them to be…that God may have given me something to offer, these are new thoughts for me.

I am praying that God will indeed give me ‘the kind of faith it takes
to climb out of this boat I'm in, and onto the crashing waves’.

That is a scary prayer, my friends.