Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Sometimes community stinks.

*****Read at your own risk, I’m feeling whiney*****

This summer has not been an easy one. I don’t like to be a whiner and I try not to complain. One of the things you have to learn quickly when you have a chronic issue like Fibromyalgia is that you can’t let it define you. I refuse to let it be the filter by which I sift all my decisions. However, it won’t let me forget I have it.

This summer, a friend in my Sunday school class had a hysterectomy, and I brought her a meal, My SIL has had an 8 week bout with Phenomena and I have tried to help out where I could (with her 8 year old twin boys and with meals) but I did not really feel like I could do too much, and then I feel guilt. Sigh.

I also had my other SIL’s 8 & 10 year old girls here for 4 days while their parents were away at a wedding.

Another friend just had a baby. I have worked on baby showers and brought meals, etc. These are things I want to do, things that I need to do.

My best friend has been sick for 2 weeks (while we were out of town, I did not find out till I got back) and found out today she has West Nile Virus! I want to help her and her family, that is what friends do!

Also today I got a call from the Helps Ministry at church asking me if I could serve this month. I tried to explain that I have been serving my friends and family, I just haven’t been doing it under a “program” and that I have a condition where I don’t know how I’m going to be from day to day, blah, blah, blah. I hate saying it as much as I’m sure people hate hearing it.

I also got a call today from the Children’s Pastor at our church asking of D was going to be at the meeting tonight for the AWANA directors. Last year D was the director for the 5th and 6th grade boys and I was the secretary. It was our 2nd year in this position and I’m not even sure how many years we’ve served total in the AWANA program.

We decided to take a hiatus this year. I know we told people including the Children’s Pastor but I guess they did not remember. I had to call D at work and tell him he needs to call the Children’s Pastor again.

Okay, I know this is starting to sound like a big whine, so I’ll get to the point.

I am tired of being needed.

There are days that I am in a lot of pain and it is all I can do to take care of my family. I am not receiving help from the church or friends and I am okay with that. But I do get frustrated when I am barely keeping my head above water and I keep getting calls about others needs.

I think I also am suffering from Vacation Hangover. I want to go back to a place that is cool and beautiful and no one knows me or my family. If no one knows us no one can need us.

Trust me, I know that last statement is not biblical or right, but that is how I am feeling at the moment. Community is sucking the life out of me.

*****Whine concluded, tomorrow’s post will be upbeat and homeschool related, thank you for your patience*****


Nikki said...

Hey, nothing wrong with a whine every now and then! Better than exploding from frustration I say!

It does get tough when so much is expected of you. We (hubby and me) are sooo fortunate to be in a church at the moment that is really really understanding of not trying to absorb ALL of your time and ALL of your energy. It's the first church we've been in that's been like that, and it's like a breath of fresh air!

Good luck with it all... :)

Kristenmomof3 said...

I know how you feel. I know it might be bad to say but it is so nice to read that someone else feels that way to.

I have fibromyalgia too.