Sometimes community stinks.

*****Read at your own risk, I’m feeling whiney*****

This summer has not been an easy one. I don’t like to be a whiner and I try not to complain. One of the things you have to learn quickly when you have a chronic issue like Fibromyalgia is that you can’t let it define you. I refuse to let it be the filter by which I sift all my decisions. However, it won’t let me forget I have it.

This summer, a friend in my Sunday school class had a hysterectomy, and I brought her a meal, My SIL has had an 8 week bout with Phenomena and I have tried to help out where I could (with her 8 year old twin boys and with meals) but I did not really feel like I could do too much, and then I feel guilt. Sigh.

I also had my other SIL’s 8 & 10 year old girls here for 4 days while their parents were away at a wedding.

Another friend just had a baby. I have worked on baby showers and brought meals, etc. These are things I want to do, things that I need to do.

My best friend has been sick for 2 weeks (while we were out of town, I did not find out till I got back) and found out today she has West Nile Virus! I want to help her and her family, that is what friends do!

Also today I got a call from the Helps Ministry at church asking me if I could serve this month. I tried to explain that I have been serving my friends and family, I just haven’t been doing it under a “program” and that I have a condition where I don’t know how I’m going to be from day to day, blah, blah, blah. I hate saying it as much as I’m sure people hate hearing it.

I also got a call today from the Children’s Pastor at our church asking of D was going to be at the meeting tonight for the AWANA directors. Last year D was the director for the 5th and 6th grade boys and I was the secretary. It was our 2nd year in this position and I’m not even sure how many years we’ve served total in the AWANA program.

We decided to take a hiatus this year. I know we told people including the Children’s Pastor but I guess they did not remember. I had to call D at work and tell him he needs to call the Children’s Pastor again.

Okay, I know this is starting to sound like a big whine, so I’ll get to the point.

I am tired of being needed.

There are days that I am in a lot of pain and it is all I can do to take care of my family. I am not receiving help from the church or friends and I am okay with that. But I do get frustrated when I am barely keeping my head above water and I keep getting calls about others needs.

I think I also am suffering from Vacation Hangover. I want to go back to a place that is cool and beautiful and no one knows me or my family. If no one knows us no one can need us.

Trust me, I know that last statement is not biblical or right, but that is how I am feeling at the moment. Community is sucking the life out of me.

*****Whine concluded, tomorrow’s post will be upbeat and homeschool related, thank you for your patience*****